In "Heart of a Stranger: An Unlikely Rabbi, A Story of Faith, Identity, and Belonging," Angela Buchdahl recounts her remarkable path.

Picture this: you're vying for a significant promotion at work. The man whose role you’d assume questions whether the demands of the job suit you as a working mother, citing that “the issue with working mothers is when their child needs help, they feel they must be there.”

On the day everyone finds out he’s retiring and that you’re in contention for the role, you're set to speak at an event with Anne-Marie Slaughter, the author of a well-known piece insisting women can’t have it all.

Your husband is out of town on a business trip.

Then, you receive a call: your 8-year-old needs an E.R. visit.

This was Rabbi Angela Buchdahl's reality.

Despite the chaos, she persevered, secured the promotion, and lived to share her story. Her experiences of faith and her ascent as the first female Senior Rabbi of New York City’s esteemed Central Synagogue are explored in her memoir “Heart of a Stranger: An Unlikely Rabbi, A Story of Faith, Identity and Belonging.

(And thankfully, her daughter was fine.)

Rabbi Angela Buchdahl: An “Unlikely Rabbi”

Rabbi Angela Buchdahl’s narrative is remarkably American. She was born to a Jewish father and a Korean Buddhist mother. At five, her family relocated from South Korea to Tacoma, Washington, where she was raised in the Jewish faith, influenced heavily by her mother’s Buddhist spirituality.

During her bat mitzvah preparation at age 12, her rabbi suggested she could one day lead a congregation. Initially, she found the idea amusing, but it sparked something within her:

“My bat mitzvah was the first hint,” she reflected. “As I shared Judaism with my 50 friends from middle school who attended their first bat mitzvah, I felt proud of my tradition and the story I was stepping into. It didn’t seem as far-fetched anymore.”

Embracing Her Jewish Identity

While her small Reform Jewish community in Tacoma welcomed her, challenges arose as she ventured into the world. Questions regarding her Jewish identity surfaced, especially from more traditional Jewish branches. A college trip to Israel left her particularly disheartened.

In tears, she called her mother.

“I feel judged everywhere in the Jewish community, as if I don’t belong. I want to be a rabbi, but I’m unsure if I want to remain Jewish,” she confessed.

In that crucial moment, her Korean Buddhist mother asked a simple question: “Is that really possible?” Those four words helped Rabbi Buchdahl realize her Jewish identity was intrinsic, not something she could easily discard.

A Cantor and a Working Mom

Rabbi Buchdahl married and began her first role as a cantor at a synagogue in Scarsdale, New York. Alongside this, she became a mother, which brought its own challenges, particularly in balancing work and family.

“I had three children within five years. Those initial years as a mother were intense. I worked 40 hours a week, which isn’t a traditional full-time rabbi role,” she recalled.

With her second child, she reduced her hours to 10 a week. “I realized I wasn’t suited to being home all the time, which was enlightening.”

Rabbi Angela Buchdahl on Leading as a Woman

In 2006, her family moved to New York City, where she joined Central Synagogue as cantor and associate rabbi. In 2014, she learned her predecessor was retiring and initially hesitated to pursue the role.

An advisor offered her crucial insight.

“The timing will never be perfect,” they advised. “If you don’t seize this opportunity, someone else, likely a man, will take it and hold it for the next 25 years, and you’ll miss your chance.”

Even though she was well-liked in her community, securing the senior rabbi position wasn’t guaranteed. When a board member questioned her “gravitas,” she interpreted it as a veiled reference to her not fitting the traditional mold.

Her reply was straightforward: “I will never embody the image of a 60-year-old male rabbi. If ‘gravitas’ means questioning my ability to lead this community, you’ve seen my work for eight years. It’s your decision.”

Now, after over a decade as senior rabbi, she recognizes her strengths. It’s about finding her unique approach rather than mimicking others.

“I had to rethink: how can I do this job? How might my version of this role look different?” she shared. “Over time, I've reshaped not only my responsibilities but also the community's culture and the staff’s dynamics. I’m busier than I was 12 years ago, but I’m working smarter and enjoying diverse aspects of the role. It’s been incredibly fulfilling.”